Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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