dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
