She's JV to your varsity
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
