He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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