I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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