Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
