Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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