It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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