Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
