In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Oh god it's open bar.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize