im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
