i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
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i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
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Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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