How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
