I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
