I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
we made out on top of his cat.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
