making cat noises will not fix the situation.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
