oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
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its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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