I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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