Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
