Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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