did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
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It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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