My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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