i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
