R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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