So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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