i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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