if you like me you must not know who I am
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize