Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
