Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I intend to get homeless drunk
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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