i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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