ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize