My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
