I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
even my farts smell like vagina
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
