Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
