think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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