It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
