I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
