So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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