I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
