so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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