some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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