That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
It's blow job season.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
