the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
