Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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