Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
