Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
