You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
