What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
it's like heaven, but drunker
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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