This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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