My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
