Pappa wants mamma naked
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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