from now on my penis is your penis
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
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