I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
