i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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