OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
