I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
