Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
