She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Randomize
