I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
