Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
